It is crazy how someone can give you everything you want. He always seems to be there for me no matter what. He is wonderful. He is sweet, generous, kind, handsome, athletic, funny, affectionate. And then out of nowhere does something so ridiculous that you have to take a step back, look at the bigger picture and see if you want to still be in that picture. I have blown off several comments and actions that have hurt me deeply. I swept it under the rug like it meant nothing. I know he has done the same thing too.
So why do we still hang out? Is it all worth it? Is it worth still seeing him knowing that his sometime ridiculous behavior can come out at any moment.?
But when I am not with him, I think about him and how I have treated him (not so nicely) and I feel horrible. I feel miserable that I have been so unkind to him for reasons unknown. He doesn’t deserve it at all. He deserves so much more than what I can give him right now. I don’t think I am worthy to even be with him. I don’t deserve him. Maybe we are better off as just friends? Maybe we need to take a step back? Maybe we need to slow things down? Maybe we need space? Maybe we need to not spend so much time together? I don’t know how to make this right!
If you are reading this, I am so sorry for the way I have been acting. But something needs to change.