Someone the other day told me to “invest time in being patient.” Me? Patient? Are you kidding me? Patient could be my middle name. I don’t know how much more patient I can be. I have been stuck against the pavement for a long time now being patient with life, circumstances, situations and especially relationships and friendships. I want to be unglued, unhinged from that spot. Everything around me has budged. It’s like I am standing on the white dotted line on a freeway as cars are rushing past me. That is exactly how things have been feeling as of lately. I want to be the car on the freeway going 80mph. I want things to start moving, whether it be baby steps or leaps and bounds.
The one good thing during this period of latency….I have done a lot of introspective evaluation of myself and feelings. And this is what I can conclude at this point in time:
1. It has taken me so long to figure out what I feel. I wonder if it will ever come to me?
2. You can have all the time you need to be away. I won’t ask you to stay even though I am missing you.
3. I am not going to spell it out for you. It’s not going to be that simple. You have to figure things out on your own.
4. I wanted to be someone else for all the times I hated myself.
5. I am everything beautiful and different….will you ever fence that in?
6. Even though my dreams have been taken away and certain plans have been crushed, I will create new ones.
7. The scars I have remind me that my past is very real.
8. I really don’t care what people say about me or think of me. They are talking about me because they are jealous. They either want to be me or be with me.
9. I once saw blue and now all I see is red.
10. The love I do have to give is worthy and you should be so lucky to have it.