Seeing you yesterday in your suit standing at the podium talking about Pa and crying broke my heart into a million little pieces. I wanted to go up there and put my arms around you and hold you. I have never felt so helpless as I did yesterday during the memorial. I had no words for you and you had none for me. But we sure didn’t have a problem talking with everyone else in the room. Why is that? Why didn’t we talk at all? I chose to give you space to talk with others you haven’t seen in a long time and to mourn but what was your excuse? Has so much time passed between us that you don’t know what to say to me anymore? Why is there always this awkwardness between us nowadays? Are there things we want to say to each other but aren’t and that is why it’s awkward? Are we waiting for the other person to say something first? Or are you so stressed by work that you don’t want to say anything to me in fear that you may take it out on me? This "silence" between us can’t last forever, can it? Will it? It bothers me, it really does. Because I know there are things I am not saying and I wonder if you are doing the same. But maybe we don’t need words just nights like last night.