Whatever you say,

does it really matter?


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Have you ever experienced a pain so sharp in your heart that it’s all you can do to take a breath?  It’s pain you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy.  You wouldn’t want to pass it on to anyone else for fear he or she might not be able to bear it.  It’s the pain of being betrayed by the person with whom you’ve fallen in love.  It’s not as serious as death, but it feels a whole lot like it, and as I’ve come to learn, pain is pain any way you slice it.

Sometimes going through the roller coaster of emotions instead of trying to distract yourself from it helps the pain move along more quickly.  Even if times are tough and you are enduring a terrible heartache, it’s important to focus your anger on yourself, not another person.

A problem I have always had…focusing on me and no one else.  That is the selfless side of me so many people don’t get.  But in the end, I am the one who suffers.  I suffer because there is nothing left inside of me for myself but emptiness.  It is this emptiness that I feel the continual need to fill.  Fill it with what is what I ponder most days.  I need to…I want to fill this emptiness with something that no one, no man, no relationship can take away from me.  This emptiness inside of me will be filled eventually.  The road to getting there is the difficult part.  I don’t know where that road is, what’s on it or how to even get there.  All I know is I want to be on a different road than the ones I have taken and I want to be on it by myself.  Anyone have a map or directions?


Author: Michelle

Just a woman finally finding herself!

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