Had a rough night last night. Got into bed later than usual because I just couldn’t manage to get to sleep. Then it hit me. I opened the flood gates and started crying, uncontrollably. I am tired of pretending I am strong…that I am ok when all I feel is pain and hurt. So I cried myself to sleep, which didn’t last long. I awoke within a half hour and started all over again. Yes, I cried again. My head won’t let me sleep. I have all these emotions and thoughts inside of me that I don’t know how to handle. I need to acknowledge them instead of repressing them…instead of distracting myself from them. So last night, I acknowledged them for the first time in awhile and all I could do was cry.
But that is not where it ended. I have been sick…some chest thing. After crying myself to sleep, I slept for about an hour and awoke to the rumbling feeling in my chest. Then a cough attack. Apparently, I did not swig on enough cough syrup with codeine. I won’t be making that mistake tonight. Among the coughing fit, I got extremely hot. So I got up and turned the heater off. By this time, I managed to look at the clock and see that it was 4:30AM and I have not really slept. It almost made me want to cry again cause I was so exhausted.
BEEP BEEP BEEP! My alarm clock went at 6:00AM.