1. I would have never broken your heart when I stepped off the plane from Los Angeles.
If this never happened, my life would be so much different. Our lives would be so much different because I believe we were soul mates. Being as young as I was, I didn’t realize what I had until it was too late. You meant the world to me and now I will never know a world with you in it…just a world with you forever in my heart.
2. I would have never allowed myself to fall in love with you knowing it was wrong from the beginning.
I need to listen more to my gut instincts from now on instead of living in the moment. It was like the neon light was flashing behind your head saying, "Run Forest. Run." And I didn’t. I stayed firmly planted in the ground and look where it got me…absolutely no where. This tends to be a habit of mine and it is going to be a habit I break.
3. I would have never lifted that patient by myself.
It took away four years of my life. A life turned upside down by unforeseen events…circumstances. I was lost during this time. I didn’t know who or what I was anymore. All I could focus on was the pain. It controlled me and my mind. I have learned from this experience that nursing really is my passion. I can honestly say, I love my job and I am good at it too.
4. I would have walked away from you a year and half earlier.
Wasted time and energy on what? You? Don’t want to waste anymore on you by writing about it. It was a lesson learned and NEVER to be repeated. Enough said.
5. I would have never allowed last Wednesday night to happen.
I should have answered the question differently, "Can I stay the night?" "No!" is what I should have said. Should have, would have could have. But didn’t. And for that, I hate myself. I am actually disgusting with myself for it. It was what it was and it will never happen again. Because there is nothing like waking up in the morning and not being able to look at yourself in the mirror because of someone. Someone like you who "just doesn’t know" does NOT need to be in my life. One day you will know and I will be waking up next to the person who already knows.
They were all mistakes and I know that now. All just have to forgive myself for these mistake, especially #1 and #5. But with every mistake comes a lesson learned. And that my friends is the truth.