Seeing you on St. Patrick’s Day put me in whirlwind. I was not expecting to see you. I was doing ok without seeing you. It has been almost two months since I have seen you. A month since I received any contact from you. I was slowly getting used to the fact that it was over between us. I was starting to hope that I could get over you and move on without you in my life. Then you walked into the one place you hate. Why were you there? Was it because your friends dragged you there? Or did some part of you hope to run into me?
Well there you were. Standing in front me. I thought I was going to throw up. I felt nauseated. My stomach turned upside down. Was it you or the Jameson I had been drinking? It was…simply put…AWKWARD! We said a few words and then you disappeared.
"OK," I thought to myself. "I can do this. Just keep the Jameson coming. Ignore him. Don’t go up to him. Let him come to you." Then I tried to enjoy my evening. Really hard! I did for a moment until I went outside and saw you again. Now there was no avoiding you. We were going to have to have the long overdue conversation. There was so much that came rushing to my mind that I needed to tell you before I never saw you again. It was what I needed to do to get closure. To finally get you out of my system.
But then you caught me off guard. You were always great with your words. I always told you were a sweet talker. But this time, you spoke words I have never heard before. Besides the usual, "I love you so much," "I miss you," "I think about you all the time," you expressed feelings new to me.
Like you haven’t moved on because of your feelings for me. I’m more a woman than you could have imagined. You respect me more now than you ever had. You even admitted L being an influence. You apologized for breaking my heart. You apologized for not calling after the last time we saw each other. And meant it. And the one thing that made me melt in your arms was, "We will be back together and this time it will be forever." Did you mean it? Or was it all talk like it always is? You sounded sincere but then you always do. Were you just caught up in the moment of seeing me after so long?
My response was this: You say everything right to keep me hanging on by a string. If you don’t want to work things out and be with me, then this has to end. You can’t keep coming in and out of my life when it is convenient for you. It’s not fair. Prove to me that I am who you want. Your words mean nothing to me anymore. Prove it. Prove it.
A: Stepped out of my car and said, "I’ll call you tomorrow."
Me: Don’t call me unless you want to work things out. If not, don’t bother.
A: I’m going to call you tomorrow.
Me: I won’t hold my breath. But I hope you prove me wrong.
He called twice the next day and once today. Maybe he is trying. Who knows. All I know is I am not going to sit around and wait for him to figure it out. Cause I haven’t all this time.