Setting boundaries are about learning to take care of ourselves, no matter what happens, where we go, or who we’re with. Boundaries emerge from deep decisions about what we believe we deserve and don’t deserve. Boundaries emerge from the belief that what we want and need, like and dislike is important. Boundaries emerge from a deeper sense of our personal rights, especially the right we have to take care of ourselves and to be ourselves. Boundaries emerge as we learn to value, trust, and listen to ourselves.
The goal of having and setting boundaries isn’t to build thick walls around ourselves. The purpose is to gain security and sense of self, to close to other without the threat of losing ourselves, smothering them, trespassing, or being invaded. Boundaries are the key to relationships.
- When we do identify we need to set a limit with someone, do it clearly, preferably without anger and in as few words as possible.
- You cannot simultaneously set a boundary (limit) and take care of another person’s feelings.
- Complaining and whining are clues to boundaries you need to set.
- You will be tested when you set boundaries.
- Some people are happy to respect your boundaries.
- You will set boundaries when you are ready and not a minute sooner.
- A support system can be helpful as we strive to establish and enforce boundaries.
Do you have boundaries? Is it time you set some boundaries? Just know that it is ok to set boundaries. It doesn’t make you a horrible person. It’ll make you a better person.