Whatever you say,

does it really matter?


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What Your Relationship Needs from You

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All relationships require work.  They don’t just materialize and maintain themselves, and they aren’t built on a foundation of convenience either.  They take time and patience and two people who are willing to put in the effort.

Here’s how to do your part – nine things your relationships need from you:

1.  Attention

Neglect based on lack of attention damages relationships far more often than malicious abuse.  There’s nothing more vital to the bond you share with others than simply being there for them.

When we pay attention to each other we breathe new life into each other.  With frequent attention and affection our relationships flourish, and we as individuals grow stronger.  This is the side effect of a good relationship – we help heal each other’s wounds and support each other’s strengths.

Bottom line:  Stay in close touch with those who matter to you – communicate openly on a regular basis.  Not because it’s convenient, but because these people are worth the extra effort.

2.  Trust

The entire fabric of our society – people working, living and breathing together – relies on the positive beliefs we have about each other – a subtle, inherent trust.  This trust is the glue that holds every peaceful civilization together.  Which is why trust is the greatest compliment you can give a person, even greater than love.

The only way to build this trust, or find out if someone is trustworthy, is to trust them.  When you do, without a doubt, you’ll automatically get one of two results:  A friend for life or a lesson for life.  Either way the outcome is positive – you determine which relationships are worth your long-term attention. 

3.  Honesty

When your intentions are good and your cause is just, honesty will always help you.  When your heart is open to love and truth, your lips will not utter lies that haunt you.  When people are honest with each other up front, the truth may hurt sooner, but the suffering always dies faster, and out of this suffering comes growth.

Be honest about what’s right, as well as what needs to be changed.  Be honest about what you want a relationship and how you want to be treated.  Be honest with every aspect of your relationships, always.

The bottom line is that relationships don’t hurt.  Lying, cheating and twisting reality until it screws with someone’s emotions is what hurts.  Never mess with someone’s feelings just because you’re unsure of your own.  If you are unsure in any way, be sure to say so.  Always be open and honest.

4.  Loyalty

Stand by those you care about in their darkest moments, not because you want to stand in the dark, but because you don’t want them to either.  Brave the shadows alongside them until they’re able to find the light.  On the flipside, stand by these same people on their sunniest days, not because you want to scorch your skin, but because you’re not afraid to let them shine bright.

In other words, be loyal.  You can’t promise to be there for someone for the rest of their life, but you can sincerely be there for them for the rest of yours.  When it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option, but a priority.  Loyalty means the world.

5.  Teamwork

The most important trip you will ever take in life is meeting others half way.  You will achieve far more by working with people, rather than working alone or against them.

That’s what healthy relationships are all about – teamwork.  The strength of every relationship depends on the strength of its members, and the strength of each member depends on the quality of their relationships.

Anyone who helps you to make your half-hearted attempts more whole-hearted through passion, love and teamwork, is a precious friend and teacher.  They are part of your dream team.  These people are out there.  Connect with them and conquer the world together. 

6.  Acceptance

There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship.  Even if it seems perfect now, it won’t always be.  Imperfection, however, is real and beautiful.  It’s how two people accept and deal with the imperfections of a relationship that make it ideal.

The quality of the happiness between two people grows in direct proportion to their acceptance, and in inverse proportion to their intolerance and expectations.  They must appreciate their similarities and respect their differences.

7.  Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the greatest virtues to which you should always seek.  Imagine if everyone you knew was willing both to apologize and to accept an apology.  Is there any problem that you all would not be able to solve?

The willingness to admit that we are all human, and to forgive sincerely, is a sign of your emotional strength and maturity.  Ultimately, this forgiveness is for you.  It sets you free from the shackles of the past so you can take the future in stride, regardless of whether you choose to bring certain people along for the ride.

Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did is OK.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did ruin my happiness forever.”

Forgiveness is YOUR remedy.

8.  Empathy

Sometimes we feel as though the world is crashing down around us, as if the pain we are experiencing is unique only to us in this moment.  This, of course, is far from the truth.  In fact, the very demons that torment each of us torment others all over the world.  It is our challenges and pain that connect us at the deepest level.  We are all in this together and we should treat each other as such.

If you think about the people who have had the greatest positive effect on your life – the ones who truly made a difference – you will likely realize that they aren’t the ones that tried to give you all the answers or solve all your problems.  They’re the ones who sat silently with you when you needed a moment to think, who lent you a shoulder when you needed to cry, and who tolerated not having all the answers, but stood beside you anyway.  Be this person for the people you care about.

9.  Self Love

Relationships don’t create joy, they reflect it.  Joy comes from within.  Relationships are simply mirrors of the combined joy that two people have as individuals.  What you see in the mirror is what you see in your relationships.  Your disappointment in others perfectly reflects your disappointment in yourself.  Your acceptance of others perfectly reflects your acceptance of yourself.  Thus, the first step to having healthy relationship with anyone else is to have a healthy relationship with yourself.

You are powerful and beautiful when you love yourself.  So get up, look in the mirror and say, “I love you, and I mean it!”

Also, respect yourself enough to never feel guilty about removing toxic people from your life.  It doesn’t matter whether these people are relatives, romantic interests, coworkers, old friends, or new acquaintances – you don’t have to make room in your life for people who make you feel like you’re less than you are.

From: Marc And Angel


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Soul Mates


soulmatesheart

Souls

When two souls fall in love, there is nothing else but the
yearning to be close to the other.  The presence that is felt
through a hand held, a voice heard, or a smile seen.

Souls do not have calendars or clocks, nor do they understand
the notion of time or distance.  The only know it feels right to
be with one another.

This is the reason why you miss someone so much when they
are not there— even if they are only in the very next room.
Your soul only feels their absence— it doesn’t realize the
separation is temporary.

—————————————————-

Can I ask you something?
Anything.
Why is it every time we say goodnight, it feels like goodbye?
– Lang Leav

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Soul Mates

I don’t know how it is you are so familiar to me – or why it feels less that I’m getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile,  and every whisper brings me to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before- in another time, a different place, I guess,some other existence. -Lang Leav


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This Is When I Cry

IMG_2057I am very sad to say I have finally finished this box of candy from Trader Joe’s.  Chocolate, caramel and sea salt…what a magical combination, my favorite combination!  I tried to eat this box as. Slow. As. Possible. But this afternoon, our relationship came to an abrupt end.  It is a relationship I knew would have to end soon but it’s still very difficult to part with this deliciousness.  There is nothing that will replace you. EVER.  I look forward to the time when we can rekindle our relationship.  Until then, my friend, good-bye until November.


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My Wish For You…

new years eve

Before you pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, stop and reflect on the year that has gone by.  Remember both our triumphs and our missteps. Our promises made and broken. The times we’ve opened ourselves to great adventures or closed ourselves down for fear of getting hurt. Because that is what New Year’s is all about. Getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more.  And stop worrying about what if and start embracing what will be. So when that ball drops at midnight, let’s remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other.  Not just tonight but all year long.

New Year’s Eve


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Happiness

                                                            Source: Uploaded by user via Erin on Pinterest

 

I am my own greatest resource for happiness, love and understanding.  I’m in control of all the elements of emotions within my personality. Because of that, I can love more freely without fear of pain and heartache. I can leave a relationship at the drop of a hat because I no longer feed off of other people’s energy to validate myself and my perceived happiness.


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Breathing and Praying

omrannaimeh12412_20121205RIP Aunty Naimeh

This week has been a tough one.  But nothing that breathing and praying couldn’t get me through.  I will even admit, I cried a few tears.  Some were tears of happiness and some of sadness.  Death is never an easy thing for anyone to deal with.  Some people will never accept it.  There never seems to be the right time to mourn or the right words to say.  It’s the only time when placing your hand on someone’s shoulder and being present in silence is all you can do or is all that is needed.  Some times the smallest gestures make the biggest impact.  It makes or forces families to come together, families that otherwise would not see each other or talk to each other.

Death has a way of bringing people together.  People you haven’t seen in years or haven’t met yet.  People you don’t even recognize.  People you only know by name not by face.  Death, to some, is an ending of a life.  Yet, it has a way of providing closure.  It’s a time for renewed relationships and forgiveness.  It’s a time for love.  It’s a family reunion you didn’t want under these circumstances and makes you say, “We should all get together during a happier time.”  The thought of seeing relatives without tears in their eyes, without a frown on their faces, without a tissue in their hands, without regrets, without sorrows, sounds like a beautiful idea.  It was mentioned today that come spring, we will (or should) get everyone together for a picnic in Golden Gate Park.  But will it ever happen?  I know people mean well with reunions but then life happens and these much-needed reunions never happen.  I think I will make it my sole purpose (after the holidays) to coordinate a family reunion.  We need to be family all the time and not only during a wedding or a funeral.  All the time.

There may never be the right words to say, but today these were the words I found and read today in her memory, at her celebration of life:

I know you are gone for good
It’s hard to accept but now I’ve understood
Nothing lasts forever, even if it’s good or bad.
Now you’re up in heaven, it makes me feel glad
That finally your pain and sadness has ended
Just the way God has intended.
At this time, you are standing at those big golden gates
Up in heaven, your new life awaits.
I know you are looking down on us wanting us to be strong,
And I know you have been all along.

Your beautiful eyes so big and round
Showed love, showed laughter, showed happiness, showed sadness
But I will remember you as the happy beautiful woman you were.
The one who cried for love, the one who once laughed.

I will miss you that’s definitely true
But we will meet again
In the kingdom of heaven
Where no pain we will feel.
For now you’ve gone up high in the sky
Because this is your time to say goodbye.
I love you Aunty.